I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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