I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
