She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
