it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
