Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
