i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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