can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
