if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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