I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
