she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
