if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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