i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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