i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
