I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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