everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
