Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
