Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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