Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
