goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
