The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
