i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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