Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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