Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
