I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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