I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
