U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
