Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
