Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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