she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
