I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
