I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
