sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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