I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
