bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It's never too late to be topless.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
