We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
