fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
