true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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