Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
