I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
