it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
