i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
