John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
