Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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