like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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