i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
