i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh god it's open bar.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
