U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
