So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
