my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
