You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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