I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
