he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
