i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
