Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
