I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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