He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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