She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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