She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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